Why you can’t let yourself Rest…
Relax already! If you are one of those people that just can’t seem to allow yourself to rest, well rest assured (haha) that you are not alone.
We live in a world that makes it hard to truly unwind. The demands of daily life are intense and never-ending. We have come to equate success with achievement, and achievement with happiness. Furthermore, research has shown that stress, anxiety and depression, which come on the heels of this kind of non-stop pressure to achieve, physically interfere with the body’s relaxation mechanisms. And of course focusing on relaxation as yet another high-pressure goal (I must relax. Now. I must relax!) doesn’t work. But you need to rest. Why?
Our attention is a resource, just like our energy. And resources are finite. When we constantly just go, go, go there are consequences.
Burnout
Bitterness/resentment
Physical and mental health issues
A lack of interest and focus in things we usually find interesting and meaningful
Feeling like you are in a constant state of overwhelm and operating from your reserves (not abundance)
Besides avoiding the negative consequences there are many, many positive effects from rest. Most of all though - you DESERVE to rest.
This is all fine and good, but still…why can’t you let yourself rest?
REASONS YOU CAN’T LET YOURSELF REst
Driven to achieve
The desire to achieve success may stop you from taking breaks and resting. In these cases, you may equate stopping – even temporarily to take a break – is like quitting. Or perhaps deep down you believe rest is the same as being lazy.
Either way, you may wait to rest until you are completely exhausted and unable to continue and simply forced to. How often have you gotten sick when your holidays start?
Perfectionist or controlling behaviors
Perfectionism refers to self-defeating behaviors and thoughts directed at achieving impossibly hard goals. While setting goals can help you achieve success, it can be easy to slip into perfectionist thoughts and behaviors without realizing it. Constantly accomplishing, achieving, and having to do, can be a form of perfectionism.
Uncomfortable with rest
Our brains become accustomed to having that extra dose of adrenaline that we need to get through our over busy schedules. When we finally do have downtime, our brains start experiencing withdrawal. We crave our fix – busyness. Finally, sometimes our hectic schedules are actually an avoidance strategy to keep us from having to sit and ponder the difficult things we are facing in life – painful relationships, unfulfilling jobs, negative emotions. When we stop moving, the reality of all those things come rushing back, and it can be overwhelming.
Afraid to rest
Mental or emotional rest requires that you stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. You may fear resting because it will set you back. You fear you’ll have to work faster to make up time, which could lead to mistakes, leaving some work undone, or less personal time later. The latest research is actually showing quite the opposite - that your performance will improve if you take the time to rest.
Mind racing won’t let us rest
Ah yes…worrying. The intrusive, repetitive loop of thoughts. The scientific term for racing thoughts is rumination, which is likely caused in part by over-activation of the brain’s frontal cortex. Anxiety activates the sympathetic nervous system, setting off a series of physical changes that boost your alertness and gear you up to act. Which is exactly the opposite of what rest is meant to do.
Your sympathetic nervous system is stuck in overdrive.
Our sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is the fight-or-flight response that makes us feel anxious and afraid. Our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is the relaxation response that counterbalances the SNS and helps us calm down after a heart-pounding incident. When the nervous system is healthy, they work together to help us manage stress. Chronic stress (hello burnout culture) or prolonged trauma, however, can interfere with the body’s relaxation mechanism. Over time the SNS can get stuck on, making you feel restless, anxious, panicky, hyper-aroused, hypervigilant, or sleepless. If this is the case, even when you try to relax, you aren’t able to shake off those feelings.
UNCLEAR WHAT HEALTHY REST IS
In order to truly rest, our whole system - mind, body, soul - must be engaged in a restful state. Let’s use the example of resting with your phone. This may seem like rest because you are sitting or laying down, but scrolling, playing games or endlessly texting are anything but restful and can actually be exhausting. Beyond the sensory input, this can cause your mind to race or bring up negative feeling like jealousy if you start comparing yourself to others on social media.
All of this can contribute to a non-restful state.
Confuse rest with sleep
Rest is something our bodies need to be healthy and we should not confuse it with the need for sleep. Sleep is the unconscious state our bodies uses to restore itself. Rest is different. Rest means to refresh and also to cease from labor. You can’t replace resting during the day with sleeping overnight.
Did you know in addition to rest not being the same as sleep, that there are multiple types of rest we need? Check on my Insta post outlining the 7 different types of rest we need.
reflect on your resistance
Ultimately, resting is about being rather than doing. If you are unable to let yourself just be then sit with that discomfort, and see what comes up. Start with these questions:
If I weren’t so busy, would I feel like a failure?
Would I fear losing the approval of others?
Would I fear becoming hopelessly stuck?
Examine the thoughts and emotions that surface. It might be helpful to write them down in order to discuss them with a friend, mentor, or therapist. Once you’re clearer on the root of the issue, you can put strategies into place to assist you in getting the rest and relaxation you truly derserve.
