Self-Care: Expectations vs. Reality
What is Self-Care?
Many brands have co-opted the term self-care to market and sell their products in the name of wellness. Think bubble baths, sheet masks and spa days. Often times these products have nothing to do with authentic self-care. You may find yourself temporarily soothed or distracted, but experience no meaningful change in your overall well-being. Perhaps you even question why self-care doesn’t work for you/what you’re doing wrong?
A simple definition of self-care is - any activity that we do deliberately to take care of our overall health and well-being. It’s also important to note that self-care is a holistic concept in which the interdependency of mental and physical well-being creates an enhanced quality of life and sense of personal fulfillment.
Self-care unlike self-indulgent activities, has lasting benefits. Research shows that engaging in a self-care routine reduces or eliminates anxiety and depression, reduces stress, improves concentration, minimizes frustration and anger, increases happiness, improves energy, and more.
Self-care is about the daily thoughts, actions, and micro actions you can be taking (or not taking) that can have a huge impact on your stress, happiness, health, and mental wellbeing
Self-Care Isn’t a Quick Fix
I like to think of self-care as an attitude, not an action. This shifts self-care from a band-aid approach to a practice of self-caring. Self-care happens if you find the time, or the energy, plus the motivation. Self-care is a living practice that allows the innate capacity each of us has for caring to grow and expand.
The issue for many is, self-caring isn’t a quick fix. This work requires a bold devotion to ourselves and a belief that we’re deserving and capable of experiencing wholeness. And the reality is for many (as was the case for me), is there is a lack of worthiness at a core level.
This my friend, is where self-compassion enters the picture. I know many people are on the self-love train. I wasn’t really about that. It wasn’t that I didn’t love myself. It was that I didn’t consider myself deserving of kindness and care. This may be splitting hairs, but it made a world of difference for me. Self-compassion felt authentic and loving towards myself, whereas most of the self-love practices felt hokey to me.
The other thing to note, is that practicing self-care – consistently caring for ourselves – demonstrates to ourselves exactly what we need to know – that we are worthy of the care and concern most of us have no problem giving others.
Maybe you need to start with self-compassion and self-love? It’s your journey so you choose. In fact they can be one and the same. A daily self-compassion practice is a practice of self-care. Just please start.
Self-Care Isn’t Always Easy
To start wrapping things up here, the last dose of reality (for now!), is that self-care isn’t always easy. Sometimes it involves discomfort. Going to the gym takes more effort than being a couch potato. And with that being said, sometimes we need rest more than we need a workout. This is where mindfulness, and again self-compassion, comes in. You need to get good at checking in and knowing what you truly need from moment to moment.
I am a huge advocate for scheduling in self-care activities. And creating daily self-care rituals, practices and interactions that will result in a transformed sense of being. But we also have to recognize when we need to slow down. All of the above takes practice, and discipline.
Self-care is not one-size-fits-all. And we don’t get it all figured out as what we need is constantly in flux. That’s the beauty. And also the challenge.
If this feels like a lot to figure out all on your own, the good news is – you don’t have to. Shoot me a message at shari@sharileeblock.com and let’s explore how I can support you in your well-being journey.
